We had a sort of lecture at the bakery last week; three experts talking about the government’s targets for reduction of carbon emissions. There were graphs. It was not what most people would choose to do of a sunny evening in august. It was a tale of impossible national goals, unwilling individuals, and the shoddy work being done by profiteering companies in between.
It was, to be short, gloomy. In order to save one’s 80% carbon emissions, let alone save any decent money, we all need to do unpalatable things, like underfloor insulation, and wall insulation. There is a co-operative who will provide loans (and we’re talking £40,000 if you want to do the job properly), or companies will use Green Deal money to make a profit by doing the bare minimum.
I don’t want to get into debt, but I really want to cut my energy bills.
So I started doing that 4 am philosophising thing. What resources do I have, what is in my possession, that doesn’t equate to money, but to energy or insulation? Have i got something that could improve my windows? What could I use to insulate my floors? How can i heat my house for free?
And here’s what I came up with over the course of a day’s mulling. I carry some excess weight. In fact, I did the back-of-an-envelope maths (oh so much maths), and the energy stored in my body fat, were I to burn it off till I was a healthy weight, would be enough to power the average house for a fortnight, or to take me round the coastline of mainland Britain by bike. I got very excited about finding a corporate sponsor, who would agree to do all the work my house needs (internal insulation, bio-mass boiler, solar panels, new windows, the whole nine yards) while I swanned off round Britain getting them publicity. And then all my neighbours would get “insulation envy” and it would spark a green revolution, which would reduce the energy bills of families round here living in fuel poverty.
A win win situation. Except of course it would take me nearly two years to cycle round Britain, and I have panic attacks cycling to Sefton Park, let alone Scotland. Even with the best green retrofit in the world, all that exercise would only be the equivalent of powering my home for three months.
So instead I’m doing what I can on a minimal budget. Were I to spend a few hundred quid, the savings would be negligible, so I might as well do a terrible job for nothing. Luckily the bakery has a wealth of junk I can use… old cardboard to insulate my floor… old plastic packaging to insulate my windows, that kind of thing. I’m swapping to pay-as-you-go meters, applying for free loft insulation from e-on, and hoping for external insulation to come along under the Green Deal. Oh, and i’ve put heavy curtains on all my doors, because my dogs need to come and go, without taking all the heat with them. Currently they don’t realise they can come and go, but they’ll learn…